The weekend before last, I had to get up at 5am to sit on my leg and flap my arms around like an over-enthusiastic green bird. Well, I didn't have to, but for some reason this is what I ended up doing, while talking about my favourite sitcom. But I didn't realise this at the time, because I had adrenaline coursing through me.
That's because live telly is scary. I don't look nervous, but I was terrified. My brain kept saying, "Imagine how bad it would be if you did a huge burp. It will be replayed, and millions of people will watch the burp on YouTube. You will be forever known as Burp Girl, and for the rest of your life, when people meet you, they'll say, 'Oh, aren't you that girl who did that huge burp?!'"
Worse, you could accidentally swear, or say something hugely offensive, or start choking or coughing, or spontaneously be sick. I know this is very unlikely - in fact, I know these things aren't going to happen - but that doesn't stop me worrying about them. It's probably not very professional, but I wrote reassuring words between my fingers, like "stay calm" and "relax" and "breathe". (I didn't look at these words once, but it vaguely helped to know that they were there.)
After watching the clip, I also wrote a helpful checklist of Things To Remember While On TV:
(1) Do not slurp your water on-screen after each question like a thirsty buffalo
(2) Do not gesticulate like an agitated monkey pushing away an invisible banana
(3) Do not sit on your leg, unaware that everyone can see you sitting on your leg. If you must sit on something, make it your hands.
I think the more often you do something scary - whatever it is - the less scary it becomes, just because you realise you can do it (not particularly well, maybe, but you can) and that the thing you were most scared of probably hasn't happened. (Unless it has, in which case you're buggered.)
By the way, Toby and Charlie were ace, and the female presenter (Louise Minchin) is possibly the nicest person in the world (and that includes Nelson Mandela and the woman who called the paramedics after I was hit by a motorbike).
[This post isn't letting you leave comments, because it is evil - to leave one, please click on the post heading. Thank you.]
46 comments:
Hey, aren't you that woman off of the telly?
You were brill young lady, there was no over gesturing or water slurping at all!
Horay for you!
xxx
Why shouldn't you gesticulate like a monkey pushing away an invisible banana?
I didn't think it was that bad although the hands were a bit flappy.
I dare say I would lose the power of coordinated speech in a similar situation, so by my reckoning you done well.
While I am clear on the essential necessity for pushing away any invisible bananas, and applaud your efforts to do so, I am awfully curious to learn how you knew they were there. Unless you were, by a trick of the nerves or light, able to see them?
I'd say that's more of a weighty-lean, than actually sitting ON your leg.
The way you'd described it, I was almost expecting some sort of bizarre yoga position.
Also, you seem to be the only person allowed a glass of water. Nobody else has got any.
Maybe you should have shared it with them.
As a complete aside, have you ever been asked to voice a character on a cartoon?
Better to be an over-enthusiastic green bird flapping her wings, than one of the stuffed and boring variety.
I believe if you live in continental Europe it's actually a legal requirement to show facial expression and bodily enthusiasm, hopefully it will catch on in Blighty :)
"Worse, you could accidentally swear, or say something hugely offensive..."See, I feel like that every moment of every day, never mind having to go on the telly...
I thought you gave some amazingly in-depth answers, Ariane - much more so than you normally get on those segments on BBC News. Really interesting, well-informed opinions, when it's usually just trendy spiel off some bloke from Heat magazine. Really good. Well done.
Seemed fine to me. My TV faux pas was laughing like a pig (hooting and snorting) in a supposedly serious politics show. Wonder why they never asked me back?
Now it's a different post, I have more thoughts.
That wasn't me at 12:09pm by the way. I'm not some obsessive fan who comments twice with less than 30mins between them. Although I guess I am now....oh dear....anyway:
I once (audibly) broke wind in an on-air radio studio. Everyone in the studio heard it, but it wasn't quite loud enough to be picked up by the microphones.
They then commented on it continuously, just to make sure both of the listeners (it was only hospital radio) knew I'd done it.
And it's not quite so bad for me, as I'm male and farting is somewhat more acceptable.
I have it on good authority that Sophie Raworth has "what would Moira do?" tattooed around her wrist to calm her nerves. It's so hush-hush, even Wikipedia haven't made it up yet.
Oh and you've just reminded me of another tale of nerves/failure.
I've been doing community radio for several years now. I do the controls, talk, produce, and am well aware that there's very few actual listeners.
A couple of years ago I entered a BBC talent scheme to try and get a radio show. I didn't win, but I got invited to BBC Bristol for a kind-of 'induction day' (which might have resulted in work), to look around, and was given the opportunity (or incredibly scary task) to make a 5 minute demo show.
Despite the fact that there would be NOBODY listening to this (it was an off-air studio), the sight of professional equipment, real LIVE presenters milling around, the voice inside me going "IT'S THE BBC!!" and the copious amount of water I'd drunk to try and relax (resulting in me spending half the day in the toilet), this meant that I created possibly the worst 5minutes of audio I've ever done.
I'm still slightly afraid to contact them with another demo in case I'm as bad a second time around if/when I get back in there.
It was fine Ariane! Don't thin kyiu have anything to worry about. Last time I was on TV, I started stuttering like a Tourettes sufferer in a time warp.
Fawlty Towers rules either way!
@Catie: I take it back about Louise - you're the nicest person ever for getting up at 5am and coming with me.
@Duohedron: Because I'm not a monkey. You're allowed.
@Anonymous: Er... thank you!
@Huw: I'm sure you wouldn't, though they probably wouldn't allow you to come on with your hands over your face.
@Anonymous: One of the presenters helpfully alerted me to their presence before the segment started.
@Ben: Alas, I have never been asked to voice a cartoon character. I agree about the weighty lean, though it looked rather ungainly. And I was the only person who wanted/needed water (to steady my nerves).
@Ben 2: Thanks for your enthusiasm re. body language. I am not going to make any jokes about stuffed birds.
@Matt: You're very kind. Maybe you should do some TV - because I used to feel exactly like you about real life, until I had to do telly and that was so heightened it put it in perspective. You won't feel as scared with one person after that.
@Margaret: I would have loved to have seen that! Which show was it, and what made you laugh?
@Ben: I believe you, thousands wouldn't! I don't believe the demo show was that bad - what was their feedback? I know exactly what you mean, though - once you start thinking about all the potential a situation has to go wrong, it makes things a lot harder. I've decided the trick is not to think too much.
@Hanescymru: Thanks a lot - and Fawlty does rule!
I think although they recorded the live 5min demo, they will have been hard pushed to have 60seconds that was listenable.
BBC Bristol's radio mixing desks are upside down (the opposite way up to commercial/home mixers), and I spent most of that 5minutes turning off microphones that were meant to be on (and vice versa).
I was also presenting with a group of 3 people I'd met 20minutes earlier, whose names I still couldn't quite remember:
"I wonder what's happening on the roads. Let's see if Dave has the latest travel?"
"Err..my name's John"..etc
The demo I sent for the initial talent scheme that got me through the door, I recorded/edited at home, so wasn't so nervous.
I did actually get employed by them in a promotional capacity (giving out car stickers, balloons, etc), but nowhere near an on-air studio.
Not over thinking things is something I'll continue discussing with my therapist.
Ironic advice though, as you critiqued your own TV appearance with a checklist of things you think you need to remember not to do in the future, that you didn't realise you were doing during it in the first place. Maybe you won't realise you're doing them next time either?
I wouldn't have noticed the leg thing, water drinking or monkey pushing had you not mentioned them though.
You did fine. No bananas in sight.
I auditioned to be a presenter on Tomorrow's World when BBC Talent was roaming the country. As Bart Simpson put it, I hadn't realised it was possible for something to both suck and blow at the same time, but I did. I clapped my hands together, muttered and generally made an idiot of myself. I did one of those vox pops for the news once, and actually had the urge to smack myself in the head halfway through - my brain had been hijacked by a cretin.
Re: burping - sitting in a green room outside a local radio studio once, I heard the most gigantic belch come from inside the studio. The presenter was getting it out of his system. Then the red light came back on and he read some sports news. Then it went off, and there was hacking, coughing and snorting. Red light back on, travel news. Red light off, throat clearing. By the time I went in, he had it pretty much under control. Turns out he swore like a trooper off air to get that out his system as well.
"Not over thinking things is something I'll continue discussing with my therapist."Is that what they call radiotherapy, Ben?
I thought the gesturing was good! Speaking with your hands made you appear more sincere and trustworthy. It also showed that you have passion for what you're speaking about...
:D
Ariane, you were brilliant as always, made very good points. I'd only swich seats with the other guests. When women are seen like you were, men tend not to listen what they say :)
I watched that clip while mildly distracted, as most TV viewers would. (As opposed to obsessively, as I would have watched it if it had been me there.)
I noticed nothing weird about the hands or the sitting.
The main thing I remember is the really good point the girl in green made about comedy needing to come from characters.
I thought you did a good interview. Go you!
However I can relate to the nervousness. I used to do a lot of public speaking and at one point I started worrying that I would say something gruesome or massively provocative. Not by accident, but intentionally, just because no-one could stop me. I could really imagine myself launching into song, or swearing, or spewing deliberate nonsense. It was like that scary feeling when you're standing on the edge of a cliff and suddenly realise there's nothing stopping you throwing yourself over. I absolutely don't want to throw myself over a cliff but the possibility is still scary, you know?
Fortunately I never actually attacked my audience, and clearly I have never hurled myself off a cliff. Still - I think we have a lot to learn about how to deal with freedom.
Anyway. The point is that I would invite you back if I were the BBC. And I have no doubt they will.
You seemed perfectly poised and graceful to me - I bet they'll be asking you on all the time.
As Ayoub said, the gesturing makes you look genuine and interested in what you're saying - it seemed very natural. No sign of nerves either (from you, anyway - I'm sure I'd do similar, but the claim that people sometimes catch supernovae in nets made me smile). Nicely done.
I guess it's like being near the edge of a cliff - no matter how good you are at not falling off coffee tables, it's impossible to trust your not-falling-off-cliffs ability.
I like the way you enunciate "often". In London, one often hears it as "of-ten".
Which suggest two things dear Ariane:
1. You speak di queens' English.
2. You have a mellifluously RP accent.
hippyhugs
So you speak with your hands too. I think I should have watched the video before reading your post, now I notice all the little details such as you drinking way too much. Although maybe it enhances the experience.
You sound so sweet, Ariane! They said you'd be back...when?
I flap my hands like that in normal every day speech. I have to wear a hazard triangle on my forehead to warn people.
Most importantly, were you successful in warding off the invisible banana?
Next time make sure you don't have a glass of water nearby (unless you really need it). The bit when you went to reach for it (obviously nervous) then stopped mid-grab was a little funny.
Don't worry about the sitting on your leg it looked fairly natural on that stool. Just be careful your leg doesn't "go to sleep", now that would have been funny.
And do not worry about the gesticulations, heck, you should see me when I talk. I wouldn't be able to speak if you tied my hands together. :)
You looked very interested and excited about the subject, which makes for a more interesting interview. You also had interesting intelligent things to say. Pity I don't live in England to see you on the TV more often. Will have to make do with youtube I guess.
@Ben: Though I'm sure it's no consolation, that all sounds extremely funny - especially the "mixing up names" moments. And also, I was abysmal in my first interview. I think the first time often throws people.
@Nathan: I know what you mean - I've done that before. Talking onscreen and realising you sound like an idiot but there's no way to salvage it so you just have to keep going. By the way, the line "I clapped my hands together, muttered" sounds like you're about to say "abracadabra!"
@Matt: Ka-boom-tsch!
@Ayoub: Thanks a lot.
@Nino: Cheers. I think a longer dress may be in order!
@Andrew: I'm relieved you understand that! Apparently the "cliffs fear" thing is a mild form of OCD. It's your brain repeating, "But what if I throw myself off? What if I do? What if? What?" over and over again. I've had it on cliffs, bridges, boats, train stations - and I think you're right: it's an inability to trust ourselves in the face of freedom. However, it's comforting to know that for the vast majority of people our reflexes would never allow us to harm ourselves in that way.
@Andrew 2: Many thanks. I quite liked the "supernova in net" simile! And I thought Toby made some great points - plus he gets the bonus for introducing Aristophanes and tropes into the same sentence.
@Andrew 3: I agree - we all need to trust ourselves a bit more. (Or, at least, develop a more realistic sense of what we're likely to do.)
@Muhamad: Ah, but I only speak proper when I'm on the tellybox. I love the word "mellifluous" though.
@Guillaume: Yes, and my hands are extremely noisy. Sorry for distracting you!
@Nisha: That triangle has always been my tattoo of choice. Re. "I'll be back", I did another slot for them on the same topic two hours later, though in my keenness not to repeat myself I ended up making quite irrelevant and peripheral points.
@Madfish: Very successful, yes. It ran away without so much as a backwards glance.
@OzAtheist: Thanks a lot. I often get a dry throat when I'm talking a lot, hence the water - though perhaps I'll avail of it a little less next time! Cheers.
The default screen thing for that youtube clip makes it look a little like you're wearing a neck brace.
Next time you go on TV, have a shave first. And wear a tie for god's sake.
Apart from that you were okay.
(And I don't know who that chick sitting next to you is, but she's SMOKING hot.)
Hey it's okay, it was quite interesting.
Nice one. An interesting chat on a very worthy sitcom. To appear on live TV (even at 06:54) has got to be a stress gig.(I can think of only three things more scary: skydiving, attempting stand-up comedy and watching Spandau Ballet on their comeback tour.)
* Were there any exceptional people in the green room?
It's curious that you get nervous about something you're so good at. I can't think of any TV or radio appearance you've ever done where you weren't thoroughly engaging and articulate. If it had been me, they'd still be scrubbing the floors.
I agree with Graham there.
Well done Ariane, you were great, and not a gremlin in sight! The hand-waving actually made you look animated, and I noticed the guy next to you followed your lead on this when he spoke.
Dry-mouth is one of the worst things when nervous. Just before a meeting, I sometimes pop a small, high-flavour chewing gum, then swallow it just before speaking. Don't choke on it though!
And a very good point you made about Fawlty's success being helped by the writers also being the stars of the show.
PS: Was that the same lucky Bus Launch green dress I saw you in?
@Huw: I hadn't thought of that - the still screen shot to me looks like someone's just stolen my basketball.
@Kevin: Duly noted. And the smoking chick? Her name's Louise Minchin.
@MJB: That's lovely of you. Interestingly, political commentator Michael Brown was in the green room, and when he said he was an ex-Tory MP I jokingly went "Boo hiss!" He replied, "Would you prefer Labour? Someone call Gordon Brown and tell him we've found the last supporter!" It was all quite fun.
@Graham: The £20's in the post.
@Guillaume: Thank you!
@Richard: Cheers - I'm very grateful for your support (though I could never in a million years swallow chewing gum - not after I was told ominously aged 7 that it would stay in your body forever!) And yes, that is my lucky green dress.
It was good! Entertaining and informative. Very welcome at that hour. You managed not to mention the war either.
It certainly made me want to revisit Warty Towels... virtually every conversation I ever had with my neighbor in college seemed to degenerate into a Fawlty Towers sketch. One of many reasons why I would never be allowed near live television, along with the narcolepsy.
I'd clutter your blog with a longer comment, but there are two pigeons in the water tank and they're nearly done.
i always think i don't like faulty towers nor find it funny, yet when i see a clip and john cleese pulls a face after a punchline i can't help but giggle.
tommy cooper was the king at that.
grüüüüüü,
darren the disco spider
Very enjoyable, though I'm surprised you didn't pick up on the inaccuracy regarding the longevity of 'Dad's Army'. Most ill-informed on the part of the interviewer methinks.
Ariane! At 5 minutes 13 seconds when you start drinking from your cup I can hear you gulping! It's so cute.
~Pablo~
@Chris: Thanks for your lovely comment (replete with Fawlty references, no less!). I'm sure you'd be excellent on TV. PS Your dog is very cute.
@Darren: Ah, but Fawlty Towers is always funny, even when it's almost too painful to watch.
@Anonymous: Thanks. I probably shouldn't admit this, but I often only half-listen to the questions because I'm busy formulating my answer in my head.
@Pablo: Er... thank you! (I think.) Though I'll be trying not to do that again.
No, it was very endearing Ariane, that's all I meant. Didn't mean to embarass ya!
Keep up the positive lifeforce, and remember, the planets Venus and Neptune regulate everything from dandelion seeds to the iris in your eyes at least once a year, meaning we are all interconnected even with the atoms in far away galaxies!
~Pablo~
You're a natural! Even if you were nervous, you seemed to fit right in and enjoying it anyway.
A bit off topic, but here's a vid with a blogger that lost his job after 9/11 and started blogging about economics in 2005. Not bad for a computer programmer to be the third most read blog in America on economics in 4 years (after having no income for 3 years).
Mish@Google
Cheers,
I
And you might like this one:
HOW DOES OUR LANGUAGE SHAPE THE WAY WE THINK?
From this site called (Daw is hanging around there):
Edge.org
Book of the summer:
In an age of doom and gloom, learn what brings hope to the world's most brilliant minds - What are you optimistic about?
Which you can actually read for free here:
Free
Cheers..!
Found your blog as I was looking into the atheist bus campaign, as some of us where keen to launch something similar in New Zealand..
Happened to see the video and LOL'd when u reached for your water at 2min, before you'd had a chance to speak, and then changed ur mind as the question came ur way! The gesticulation if anything was endearing at worst.
Pretty cool overall, I've lost my voice due to a nervous dry mouth while speaking publicly, so feel no shame in nursing a glass of water. :)
i would exactly do what you did! it's a curse...
Just thought i would say hi!!
I once had to give a talk directly after someone who had done a talk on the unconscious gestures people doing things like giving talks make.
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