During my pregnancy, I shovelled down supermarket aislefuls of pizza and chocolate, and put on a whopping five stone. In just nine months, I went from a svelte 7st 7lbs to a hefty 12 stone 7lbs (that's 105lbs to 175lbs if you're American) - which, dear reader, did not fill me with joy.
A couple of nights before I was due to drop, my boyfriend and I watched a documentary called World's Fattest Man, about a British man called Paul Mason who weighed 56 stone (784lbs).
"You'd better watch out and stop eating chocolate," my boyfriend said helpfully, "otherwise that'll be you soon."
I took this opportunity to knee him in the balls. Nonetheless, I felt a bit perturbed - after all, Paul Mason was once just five stone overweight, and probably didn't imagine he'd put on another 51. In addition, I'm only 5'2" tall, so any extra weight looks huge on me. What if my boyfriend was right?
"Cut yourself some slack," my friends urged. "You're pregnant - you're meant to put on weight! When you breastfeed, the pounds will drop off."
Yes, it's true that I've lost some weight, mainly because I'm no longer carrying a 8lb baby. (She's definitely worth the weight gain. Here she is again:)
However: three months after giving birth, despite squirting out milk like a human cow, I still weigh nearly ten stone. According to this NHS BMI calculator, this means I am overweight, "which increases the risk of becoming ill with problems such as high blood pressure, heart disease and cancer". What fun!
So I have decided to set a goal: to get back down to 8 stone by October 25th, when Lily will be exactly six months old. I'm going to do this in three ways:
(1) By chucking less food down my gullet
Like most human beings, I love food, especially chocolate and pizza. However, for the next three months, I am going to imagine that chocolate is poo, and that pizza is a faceful of pus-riddled spots. This is because I am 12 years old.
(2) By trying to be Tracy Anderson
Behold Tracy Anderson. She doesn't look like she sits in bed playing internet backgammon while checking her eBay listings, does she? (The answer is no. No, she doesn't. She looks like she gets up at 5am, slicks on her £35 lip gloss and goes for an Ayurvedic run with Gwyneth Paltrow.)
For Trace is a Californian personal trainer. Short of dyeing my hair, wearing tinted contacts and doing a Michael Jackson on my skin, I am never going to look like her. However, I am going to do her post-pregnancy workout even if it kills me. (Which, quite seriously, it might.)
(3) By shaming myself into it
Each week, I am going to weigh myself then take a picture of the display on my digital scales and post it up here, as above. (I am shit at Photoshop, so this will be my real weight.) Granted, I will be weighing myself first thing in the morning in my undies, but wouldn't you?
So, wish me luck on my weight-loss odyssey. If this doesn't work, nothing will. Except perhaps a gastric band.
15 comments:
Tracy Anderson looks like she was designed by 12 year old boys. 12 year old boys who forgot to add a neck. If you 'are never going to look like her' then that is assuredly for the best.
I instantly distrust any workout that someone has branded and sold.
Having said that, good luck.
Just remember the words of wisdom from Kate Moss, 'Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels'.
And for workouts, the words of wisdom from the Navy Seals, 'You don't have to like it, you just have to do it.'
Holy shit Joker - are you using that Kate Moss quote seriously?
And the problem with the Kate Moss quote is?
Bearing in mind this is a blog entry about trying to lose weight partly by avoiding delicious but bad foods.
If I posted it on a teenage girls facebook page, then it would be an issue. Lets assume Ariane knows when to eat.
I'm right there with you, girl! I'm 5"3 and 176 lbs in my last week of pregnancy. I, too, have most of Tracy Anderson's workout videos and intend on taking photos of myself week-by-week until I drop back down to my original weight.
If you find Tracy's cardio videos too difficult to follow (I do), try Chalene Johnson's Turbo Jam. She helped me tone up from head to toe, and she's a lot more fun.
I wish you the best of luck.
PS - Lily's gotten so big! She's such a cutie.
I would recommend a book "everything you need to know about fat loss" by Chris Aceto. It explains down to a cellular level why your body stores fat and it really opened my eyes as I have been building muscle for 2 years but my fat loss has came to a halt. After you read this you will be able to construct an eating plan to suit your needs rather than follow a specific diet plan. Good luck!
I think those workout videos are big money scams. Why don't you just walk in the park with te baby and let your boyfriend eat the chocolate and pizza? I am sure he can take it.
I once lost 17lbs in six months just by walking my fiancée's dog at weekends and eating more salmon. And walking from Liverpool Lime Street Station to the university.
@Benulek: You're very kind. Sadly, I think you're in the minority. I'd certainly like to look like her, neck or no neck.
@Joker: Thanks a lot. Funnily enough, my boyfriend's sister's flatmate used to have that 'skinny' phrase stuck on their cupboards, and wouldn't buy anything fattening. Instead, she would regularly wolf down my boyfriend's sister's Nutella in the middle of the night.
@Anonymous: I think Joker was just trying to give me more willpower. Which I'm afraid I sorely need.
@Alyssa: Thanks so much for the Chalene Johnson tip. I've ordered Tracy's cardio workouts but wish I hadn't now - the pregnancy exercises are just ridiculous (eg 'from a position where you're lying on your front on the floor, swing your leg above your head'). I'll send you the DVD when you're three months post-partum and you'll see! The photo idea is a good one. Thanks for your good wishes, and re. Lily.
@dave b: Cheers for the advice - I'll be sure to look it up. (Reading time is time when I don't have to exercise...)
@Guillaume: I've been walking with the baby, but the weight isn't coming off, so I think I need to ramp up the exercise a bit. Impressed at your weight loss, though it makes my goal seem improbable. I'm trying to lose 28lbs in two months, and I don't even have a dog to walk!
If I can, I think anybody can. Maybe 28 lbs in two months is a bit much, and obviously I don't know how it works when you are a new mum and breastfeeding, but walking up hills and eating more oily fish did it for me.
I think you're already doing the right thing by adopting a vegan diet (I'm not biased, honest) and I'm sure you will reach your target. Don't berate yourself if it takes a bit longer though; slow progress is still progress.
Are you sure you're not just making it look worse than it is by pressing the up arrow on the scales with your big toe?
@Guillaume: I suspect it was the hillwalking that did it, rather than the oily fish! But well done on your weight loss.
@Graham: Thanks for the encouragement. (Shhh, I didn't tell anyone about the vegan diet!)
@Matt: Ah, if only one could adjust one's weight that way...
Firstly: Good for you and all the best! Secondly: Either that DVD cover is horribly photoshopped or Tracy Anderson's giant head and shoulders really are drastically out of proportion to her torso and neck. Either way it's a big creepy creepfest.
Ariane, I'm sure it's all a bit tongue in cheek, but it makes me worry about you. It's so not a good idea to go on any kind of diet in the early months of breast-feeding. You won't get what the baby needs in your diet and you'll make yourself feel faint, sick and probably depressed. You should be eating like a bloody horse - you need more extra calories for a hungry baby than you do in pregnancy. I am of similar height to you and I lost my pregnancy weight very slowly in the first few months, it then fell off without even being asked to. I walked a fair bit and also ate cake every day and drank loads of fizzy drinks to stop faintness. My baby is a year now and it seemed that every breast- feed after six months made a bit more fat disappear. I'm a size 10 now, for the first time in a hundred years. Be nice to yourself lovely lady and for crying out loud don't do any fucking- c-section - busting exercise.
@digressica: Thank you! (And Tracy looks perfectly normal and gorgeous on the actual video, depressingly. She has a neck and everything.)
@Anonymous: Many thanks for your concern. The thing is, I feel a bit low being this big and having to buy a whole new wardrobe of bigger clothes, etc, and I think losing the weight will help me get my confidence back. But I do appreciate your thoughts, and will be careful not to overdo it (have already realised that the target I set is unrealistic). If I lose the weight by the end of the year, that'll be a plus.
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