If you ever need proof of human kindness, spend a day outdoors with a baby. The baby is basically a conduit to all the goodwill in existence. If you're carrying it on your front in a carrier, people immediately give up their seats on buses for you, or in bus shelters, or on trains. If you're pushing it in a pram, they help lift the pram on and off public transport, give you their seat so you can sit near the baby, move out of the way for you.
Every time you go out, a stranger will strike up a conversation with you. "How old is she?" (Or 'he', if you've dressed her in blue or neutral colours.) "What's her name? Hasn't she got a lot of hair? Is she sleeping through the night? Does she have any teeth yet? What a smiley little thing." They'll coo at her, laugh at her, stroke her cheeks and hair, point her out to their friends. It's as though the baby gives them a reason to connect with you.
This is particularly prevalent with older ladies, perhaps women whose children have grown up but have yet to have grandchildren. I came across this babygro:
And though it's perhaps not the most classy pun, it's definitely true.
Last week, I was waiting at a bus stop and Lily was crying, so I took her out of the pram. Then the bus pulled up, so I was about to put her back in the pram, when the middle-aged woman next to me kindly said, "Don't do that - you take her on and I'll wheel your pram on for you." So I got on while holding Lily, and was immediately offered a seat at the front, while the nice lady held my pram at the back the whole way (it was laden down with shopping bags) and gave Lily a cuddle before we got off.
I wasn't expecting this at all when I was pregnant, but when you have a baby, it feels like the whole world's your friend. It's quite wonderful, and ample compensation for the sleepless nights. It's like you've somehow connected yourself to the rest of the human race - everyone's either had a baby, or knows someone who has one - and people suddenly want to be around you both. I used to think people in London weren't friendly or warm, but now I know that's not the case at all. At least, it isn't when you have a baby.
10 comments:
I'm definitely not used to all the positive attention yet. For a socially awkward person, such as myself, it's a bit uncomfortable. I don't really know how to respond to people who, as I'm leaving a store, simply walk by and say, "Awww." I'll usually just acknowledge their comment with a smile and keep walking, but I often wonder if I should be stopping and saying something to them.
Ha Ha, I'm definitely over-thinking, aren't I?
That's nice! You have a lovely baby though - I'd definitely think twice about giving up my seat for one of them ugly ones.
@Alessa: I think a smile is fine! Sometimes I say "thanks" as well, though I don't know if it warrants a thanks. Anyhow, you have a particularly cute baby, so it's going to happen for many years to come...
@Hard Nut: That's sweet of you. By the way, your blog is one of the most, erm, idiosyncratic I've ever read. Particularly liked the post about coshing a fox with a crocheted phone case.
I've considered a few ways to improve my social standing but I must admit that this method hadn't occurred to me. I'd have to borrow the child though, since fathering one would be a bit chicken and egg as far as the social interaction goes.
I might explore other avenues first.
I get baby crazy too, and frankly ridiculous when they are around. They just make me feem so mellow. Oh and did anyone say that your daughter is really cute?
That smile of Lily! One could get addicted to that. And in fact I did with my baby. Just a smile and a giggle, babies´ soft skin and hair plus their great smell (the body, not its goo!) that´s what it takes to make a parent happy. Once the children are grown you start to miss all of that and long for grand-children. So beware your memories well ...
Making us happy is the baby´s key to survival. We would not allow any grown person to change our life (and in your case body too) so dramatically and thoroughly. With a smile they make their lives last and ours in them.
@Graham: Good idea to borrow Lily. Ariane does her weekly Cinderella routine while you prowl around the women´s department with Lily in front. Once you offered them ladies to send a photo of Lily, exchange address and you got them hooked.
Other avenue: Ariane showing your pictures of Lily at her famous cake parties to her (most likely just as pretty as smart) girl friends, mentioning you can make any of them look just as great on the photo.
In any way: Lily the youngest marriage mediator of the UK.
Good luck.
@Graham: You can borrow Lily anytime. Single fathers are apparently the world's most eligible men. I'd give it some serious thought if I were you...
@Guillaume: Thank you - I think she is, but am not the most subjective assessor!
@Peter: I always try to matchmake Graham with my girlfriends, but it hasn't happened yet. Watch this space though. Oh, and grandchildren seem a ridiculously long way off, but then again, I can't believe she's six months old already. They say time speeds up as you get older...
I remember having the same experience with my own kids a couple of years ago. It really was pretty awesome. I also remember thinking, if one day we managed to extend the same kindness to people without babies (or other granny magnets), humans would have made real progress.
A possible counter-example is quiet coaches on trains. Quite a lot of people in those things seem to view babies as honorary rogue electronic devices and their parents as akin to teenagers treating everyone to distorted music played at full tilt through phone speakers.
@Minah: You're absolutely right. It is lovely how they bring people together, but we should always treat each other with kindness, baby or not.
@latsot: I wouldn't take Lily in the quiet coach on the train! I don't think she'd respect its rules...
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