What the hell have you been doing?
Playing and singing songs to homeless people at a Crisis centre in South-East London.
Did they enjoy it?
I think so. They didn't heckle, at any rate. A few people joined in, which was lovely. And I was lucky enough to have two talented percussionists who accompanied me on bongos and tambourine.
Can you even sing? I bet you sound like a strangled cat underwater.
That's subjective, but I like singing, and am always glad to get back to it. I haven't done any singing since this in 2010:
Did you play that last night?
Er, no. It would have confused everyone. I only played Christmas songs, like We Wish You a Merry Christmas, Jingle Bell Rock and Winter Wonderland.
I did a jazzy version of O Little Town of Bethlehem.
You big hypocrite! You're an atheist!
I'd venture that most people singing carols in Britain are de facto atheists. To me, they're just nice melodic songs.
So who are this Crisis outfit then?
They're an amazing charity who care for homeless people in the UK. At the centres, as well as having a safe warm place to sleep at the coldest, darkest, loneliest time of the year, the guests can access services such as a dentist, optician and tuberculosis screening. There are also films and activities, hot meals three times a day, and entertainment, such as live musicians.
Any more gigs planned?
Two more, on the 28th and 29th.
Can I come?
Didn't want to anyway. You sound like Shane MacGowan after a heavy bender.
Merry Christmas to you too!