Good Lord, woman. What the hell are you wearing?
It's a very clever dress from ethical company The Third Estate.
What do you mean, "clever"? Does it have an MA in International Politics?
Of course. But the colour scheme also means it minimises your bum and waist while accentuating your décolletage.
Does it now?
It does. Proof: I was packing HIV postal kits in the Terrence Higgins Trust office on Sunday, when another volunteer came in, took one look at me, and asked, "Are you packing tits? I mean, kits! KITS!"
Did that really happen, though?
It totally did. I said "Yes, both."
Did you get the dress for free?
No, I have to give it back. Sadly.
Who's the designer, Dolly Parton?
A company called Antiform. They're based in Leeds and specialise in ethical production. Many of their clothes are completely made in Yorkshire, too.
Hmmph. So what are this "ethical" Third Estate shop about, then?
It's two very lovely people, Angela and James. They sell ethically-traded clothes, eco-friendly products and vegan footwear.
Eh? I've never seen a shoe eating meat or cheese.
You're clearly not going to the right shoe shops.
The Third Estate, 27 Brecknock Road, London N7 0BT