Friday, February 19, 2016


I haven't yet relaunched my career as a musical stand-up - I'm still at the songwriting stage - so I was surprised but delighted to make it into today's Evening Standard with my Love Song for Jeremy Corbyn!

Here's the piece (third bold item down):

And here are the lyrics:

Love Song for Jeremy Corbyn

Though you look like a tramp
You're a hit with the ladies
And I'd love to have
Your little Corbabies

Though you're in old age
You still tend the oppressed 
I'm female and beige
Will you get me undressed?

Although I'm obscene
I could be a refugee
If you won't bow to the Queen
Will you go down on me?

Though most of your clothing
Is fit for the bin
That won't be an issue
When living in sin

You say that you're certain
That you don't eat meat
But I've got some beef curtains 
That are right up your street

Folk think that you're odd
At least that's what they claim
Though you don't do God
I'll have you screaming His name

So get on your bike
And pedal me home
You're all that I like
My sweet garden gnome

Jeremy's reply:

The words I shall use
Are clear with no maybes
You share my core values,
Please have my Corbabies!

You’re liberal and hearty,
A friend in adversity,
You bring youth to the Party
And ethnic diversity

My beard will get velcroed
To your lady garden
Which will be a tragedy
Just like Bin Laden

Under the covers
My tongue will strike sparks
But if you leave your lovers,
I swear I'll leave Marx

So if you’re a breeder
I’ll unsheath my sabre:
One poke from the leader
And you’ll be in Labour.

Though it's tongue-in-cheek, I'm a huge Corbyn fan and would love to see Jeremy become Prime Minister in 2020.

Here are some gig dates where I'll be performing the song:

Thursday April 14th - Monkey Business, Camden Town
Saturday April 16th - Monkey Business, Camden Lock
Thursday April 21st - Up the Creek, Greenwich

Hope to see you there.