Thursday, April 12, 2018

Back to work

I’m on my way to work, squashed into a Tube like a small brown sardine in the middle of a load of bigger fishes. Because I’m 5’2”, I’m always sandwiched under a man’s armpit, and he invariably smells like a biological weapon. Also I don’t want to hold onto the hand rail because it’s full of germs, so I jolt about wildly whenever the train moves, to a soundtrack of other passengers’ tuts. Maybe I should invest in a glove?

I’m glad I’m going back to work though. Friendly people and writing news stories will hopefully distract me from the fact that I’ve hurt my best friend in the whole world. From the fact that I couldn’t even make a marriage work with such an affable, kind person. I don’t feel very good about myself at the moment. I have therapy again next Wednesday, and it can’t come soon enough.

In the meantime, I have a house to clean and tidy, while dancing to my ‘happy’ playlist on Spotify. I have my daughter’s 7th birthday party to plan, lots of presents to wrap, a film to see at the cinema with John, and the local gym to join. If I throw myself into all these things, hopefully the pain will gradually ease, and I’ll be able to look forward to the future instead of feeling so stuck. Thank you for coming with me on this journey.

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