Yesterday I had the most extreme anxiety attack I’ve had in years, since about 2013. It was absolutely paralysing, to the extent that I thought of calling my ex-husband and begging him to come back, because I never got anxiety attacks when I was married to him. I never got ill either.
But fear of anxiety is not a good reason to stay with someone, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't come back anyhow. So I did two things that helped.
First, I forced myself to do everything I would have done anyway, keeping really busy: household chores like laundry and putting away the shopping, taking care of the little one, etc. Aristotle said ‘Nature abhors a vacuum’, and taking action means you have less thought space to dwell on the horrors in your head. It's hard to run around when your thoughts have you in their grip, but I find they loosen more quickly this way.
Second, I took an extra pill of my drug that cycles your brainwaves. It doesn’t allow you to brood on anything for long. So when I woke up this morning, I was feeling - if not exactly normal - definitely better. Kind of foggy, and like I knew something had gone wrong yesterday, but I couldn't access it. I am very lucky to have this drug virtually free on the NHS.
So now I'm able to enjoy my weekend with the little one. I fervently hope the anxiety doesn't return, but if it does, I have these coping mechanisms.
Have a lovely weekend.