Hello, people of the internet.
I am writing this blog again for a few reasons:
1. SAFETY. I'm getting divorced, and for the first time, I am living alone in a house in bit of London that isn't the safest. I confess that this is partly my fault for kicking my husband out, but I digress a little. I have an absolute motherfucker of an alarm system - seriously, all bells and whistles - but writing a daily blog is an extra added level of security. If I haven't blogged by the end of one particular day, contact me and say 'Where the hell is the blog, Sherine?!' and if I don't reply, please RAISE ALL HELL.
2. WRITING. I just stumbled across this Guardian interview from ten years ago and thought sadly, 'I used to be funny.' Then I thought hopefully, 'Maybe I can still be funny?' Because I like being generally amusing. I first discovered this aged 11 in assembly at school, when I used to sing the boring religious hymns very loudly in an exaggerated Indian accent. The girls around me (who didn't even like me) would fall about laughing, and our evil teacher who enjoyed bullying kids would hiss through gritted teeth, 'Ariane, sing in your normal voice!' Then I would reply in a sing-song Indian accent, 'But I am Indian!' (And she couldn't very well send a letter home to the parents of an Indian girl saying 'Ariane is singing in an Indian accent'.)
3. CATHARSIS. I've been best friends with my husband since I was 16. That's over 21 years. His absence from my life is going to leave a hole (this is where you insert jokes about him filling my hole). And frankly, he doesn't want to hear from me, and I don't want to hear from him. We are a bit sick of each other. But I only have one other very close friend, John Fleming (whose blog is here). He is a wonderful man, and is so good at cheering me up I call him Jon Bon Jovial, but I don't want him to have to listen to all my woes non-stop, so I thought maybe you might want to read about them instead. And even if you don't, at least I get to write all about them (I do have a therapist, but I only talk to her for 50 minutes a week).
4. ROMANCE. Maybe, just maybe, I will eventually - maybe after I turn 38? - find someone new through blogging. Possibly not right now, because I'm not on the rebound, plus I'm hideously overweight and people are superficial. And also I can't date again until my divorce comes through, because that is legally considered infidelity as I'm technically married - even though my husband won't sleep with me, and is 100 miles away in any case, so NO SEX FOR ARIANE BY LAW! So if I'm not allowed to have sex or romantic intimacy, then maybe I can dream that some amazingly sexy man is reading this blog and thinking 'I'll hit up Sherine when her decree nisi comes through'. And if that's not a sizzlingly hot phrase, I don't know what is.