Thursday, May 10, 2018
Being happy now
Last night, in therapy, we talked about loving life despite it not being perfect. How it’s essential not to say ‘I’ll be happy when this divorce is through’, or ‘I’ll be happy when I’m slim again’.
Putting happiness off until a certain point means you’ll never be happy, because there will always be problems. Saying ‘I’m happy even though I’m imperfect and life is imperfect’ is so important.
Yes, there are things I would change about my life if I could, but working towards those changes and not making my happiness conditional upon them is essential.
Because, although my divorce will probably come through, I might never reach my goal weight. I might never be rich or famous, or reach any of the other goals I’ve been socially conditioned to think are important! So postponing happiness doesn’t work.
One of my favourite self-help authors once drew a picture of a gravestone saying ‘Here lies someone who was going to be happy tomorrow’. It’s a powerful image, because we are all going to die one day, though we don't like thinking about it.
I would prefer to end life, in around 80 years(!), hopefully thinking 'I was happy and got the most out of life', rather than 'I was waiting for stuff to happen that didn't'.
So today, I'm sitting at my desk at our lovely office in Shoreditch, drinking an iced coffee and enjoying the sunshine filtering through the windows. I get to write and create for a living with fun people, as I've always dreamed of doing.
At lunchtime, I might wander down to Pret for my favourite artichoke, tapenade and olive baguette. Right now, I'm about to eat a 'sunshine bowl' of granola and mango, also from Pret. I got to work early, at 8.30am, and I like the quiet moments before everyone gets in, when I can relax.
And even though I'm a size 16 and my job as I know it is drawing to a close, it feels as though happiness is possible.