Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Three not-so-bad things about going through a divorce

I've always been a glass half full person, even when the glass is full of sewage. I think it's the one thing that's saved me through all the traumatic stuff I've been through in my life - the ability to bounce back.

People keep saying 'You seem to be handling this divorce well', but looking perturbed, as though I'm going to do a Jim Carrey in Me, Myself and Irene and flip out due to all the suppressed rage! I'm genuinely doing OK, and here's why:

1) Divorce, when it's amicable and no children are involved, is not a terrible thing. As a friend put it, 'A divorce without kids is like a break-up with paperwork'. It's just an acknowledgement that things aren't working in your marriage and are unlikely to ever work again. That's not a disaster - it's closing one door and opening another, letting better future relationships in. I'm genuinely excited about the idea of meeting someone who I spark and relate with better - and also, getting my best friend back in the form of my ex-husband.

2) It's shown me I'm resilient. A cynic might say 'Yes, but you're on three psychotropic drugs', which is true, but the drugs only get me functioning - they don't neutralise the effects of bad events. After my dad died, I had a few weeks of hell where I just slept all the time because I didn't want to be awake. I haven't done that since I split with my ex-husband, and it's reassuring to know that I can handle a big break-up. My lovely boss asked me if I wanted to take some time off work, but I haven't needed to - and I'm glad.

3) It's shown me what I really want to do. My ex-husband is an incredibly skilled and talented man - he can pick up any skill in minutes, quite literally - and so, since I was 16, I've leant on him for favours. I've realised I'd become very dependent on him - for instance, I've always loved taking photos and editing videos, but because he was great at it I just let him do it instead. Now I'm buying a camera and learning Photoshop and Premiere Pro, and am finding following my heart and discovering new passions super-fulfilling.

Don't get me wrong - divorce isn't something I ever wanted. But now it's happening, I'm making the best of it and getting excited about my impending new life.


  1. Divorces, just like any breakups, can be downright nasty and are always very sad. They are however necessary and a better alternative than staying in a toxic, destructive relationship.

    I am spouting corny clichés again, sorry.

    1. That’s very true (about the divorces, not the clichés!). We weren’t right for each other, so it’s definitely for the best.

    2. "You weren't right for each other" is what my mum always said about my exes. Especially those she hated. Okay the one ex she hated.

    3. Ha ha! She sounds very diplomatic.