Wednesday, May 16, 2018
Three not-so-bad things about going through a divorce
I've always been a glass half full person, even when the glass is full of sewage. I think it's the one thing that's saved me through all the traumatic stuff I've been through in my life - the ability to bounce back.
People keep saying 'You seem to be handling this divorce well', but looking perturbed, as though I'm going to do a Jim Carrey in Me, Myself and Irene and flip out due to all the suppressed rage! I'm genuinely doing OK, and here's why:
1) Divorce, when it's amicable and no children are involved, is not a terrible thing. As a friend put it, 'A divorce without kids is like a break-up with paperwork'. It's just an acknowledgement that things aren't working in your marriage and are unlikely to ever work again. That's not a disaster - it's closing one door and opening another, letting better future relationships in. I'm genuinely excited about the idea of meeting someone who I spark and relate with better - and also, getting my best friend back in the form of my ex-husband.
2) It's shown me I'm resilient. A cynic might say 'Yes, but you're on three psychotropic drugs', which is true, but the drugs only get me functioning - they don't neutralise the effects of bad events. After my dad died, I had a few weeks of hell where I just slept all the time because I didn't want to be awake. I haven't done that since I split with my ex-husband, and it's reassuring to know that I can handle a big break-up. My lovely boss asked me if I wanted to take some time off work, but I haven't needed to - and I'm glad.
3) It's shown me what I really want to do. My ex-husband is an incredibly skilled and talented man - he can pick up any skill in minutes, quite literally - and so, since I was 16, I've leant on him for favours. I've realised I'd become very dependent on him - for instance, I've always loved taking photos and editing videos, but because he was great at it I just let him do it instead. Now I'm buying a camera and learning Photoshop and Premiere Pro, and am finding following my heart and discovering new passions super-fulfilling.
Don't get me wrong - divorce isn't something I ever wanted. But now it's happening, I'm making the best of it and getting excited about my impending new life.